To all the animals in the forest:
Hello. I am one of the new humans living in your woods. I am writing to propose what I believe could be a mutually beneficial arrangement.
We (which is to say, my boyfriend and I) have lived in the cabin at 1855 London Ranch Road for over two months now, and I can’t help but notice that none of you – turkeys, deer, foxes, frogs, jack-rabbits, gophers, moles, snakes, newts, songbirds, squirrels, and cougars – have introduced yourselves or welcomed us in any way. The sole exception to this is that a brave young lizard, dubbed Benny, perched atop my boyfriend’s shoe for a while. Both lizard and man walked away from this exchange pleased, and I think you all could learn from Benny’s example.
To be quite explicit, this is what I’d like to do:
Sleeping Beauty chilling with her feathery/furry homies
Snow White gets some help with her baking
I’m not saying you’ve got to hang on to my every word while I sing about a bunch of girly bullshit; but surely, some of you enjoy singing and dancing, and besides, I could use some help making pies.
I understand that some of you may be avoiding us for fear of being eaten. I am a vegetarian! In the interest of full disclosure, I must admit that Chris eats meat, but I can offer you full protection if you agree to hang out with us. We’ve been together for a year and a half, and he has never eaten any of my friends. Not even one.
If you are interested in further developing what could be a beautiful friendship, please join me in a morning singalong tomorrow at 5:30am.
Until then,
Your Princess,
Jenny