Hello. I am one of the new humans living in your woods. I am writing to propose what I believe could be a mutually beneficial arrangement.

We (which is to say, my boyfriend and I) have lived in the cabin at 1855 London Ranch Road for over two months now, and I can’t help but notice that none of you – turkeys, deer, foxes, frogs, jack-rabbits, gophers, moles, snakes, newts, songbirds, squirrels, and cougars – have introduced yourselves or welcomed us in any way. The sole exception to this is that a brave young lizard, dubbed Benny, perched atop my boyfriend’s shoe for a while. Both lizard and man walked away from this exchange pleased, and I think you all could learn from Benny’s example.

To be quite explicit, this is what I’d like to do:

Sleeping Beauty chilling with her feathery/furry homies
Snow White gets some help with her baking

I’m not saying you’ve got to hang on to my every word while I sing about a bunch of girly bullshit; but surely, some of you enjoy singing and dancing, and besides, I could use some help making pies.

I understand that some of you may be avoiding us for fear of being eaten. I am a vegetarian! In the interest of full disclosure, I must admit that Chris eats meat, but I can offer you full protection if you agree to hang out with us. We’ve been together for a year and a half, and he has never eaten any of my friends. Not even one.

If you are interested in further developing what could be a beautiful friendship, please join me in a morning singalong tomorrow at 5:30am.

Until then,
Your Princess,
Jenny

The World is Just Awesome

Penny Arcade’s Downloadable Content 9/19/2007 — In the Love Nest Of Har’akki
It may be half an hour long, and yes, it’s two webcomic authors talking about a video game. But if you can get past that, you will find yourself crying with laughter at the thought of sexy crustacean aliens, their breasts bristling with nipples.
http://download.penny-arcade.com/podcast/In%20The%20Love%20Nest%20Of%20Har’akki.mp3
Corresponding comic: http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2007/09/19
Corresponding newspost: http://www.penny-arcade.com/2007/09/19

Save the Murlocs
WoW’s most oppressed race finally takes a stand.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WraJ32ao4sw

Best of G.I. Joe PSAs
Remember the PSAs that they had at the end of every G.I. Joe episode? The heros delivered important messages like, “Here’s what to do if you get a nosebleed,” or, “Be nice to blind people,” in short cartoons. Some re-edited, uh, “adult” versions of these have been floating around the internet for a while, but you get the best effect by watching them all in sequence.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ogEtfIdgjpY

Drunken LOTR Cast Commentary
For this one, you need two things: a LOTR Extended Edition DVD set (doesn’t really matter which one), and a DVD player that allows you play video *and* audio at different speeds. Pop in the cast commentary, skip ahead to a part with Sean Astin and Elijah Wood talking (Shelob’s lair is my favorite bit), and then play the movie at 60% speed. Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

Internet People
Mark linked to this a couple weeks ago, but the best part — the part that lets you find out if you’ve won — is counting how many of the clips you recognize. I got 30.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2pPCkhYMQgY

Tried to embed it, but it fizzled up my whole blog! Please click instead.

Thank you, Dresden Codak. The accompanying comic helped too.

Also! I have finished reading through the delicious archives of Scary Go Round (which you should read because it is the best thing ever and will give you weird, happy dreams). In the midst of my boy problems, I have fallen head-over-heels for the comic’s fictional Ryan Beckwith.